I just had to blog.
I have never felt so happy in such a very long time.
4 years trying to start a family, 3 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF - DESTROYS you as a person and has such a huge impact on your life and your views on life and things in general.
So last night was a ceilidh/disco for the riding school to mark 40 years of business and as a fundraiser for Cancer Research as my friend/instructors dad who owns the riding school had a very close brush with cancer last year. I was actually dreading it. I've not been out socialising much with this group of friends from the stables where I ride my friends horse. Hubby isn't big on socialising especially with strangers. It wasn't going to go well.
So we arrived a bit late but got a seat at a large round table right beside dance floor with some friends who were already there. Grabbed a drink! Everyone was so nice and welcoming, speaking to hubby and making him feel comfortable, my friend/instructor is amazing she sat with him for a while bringing him out his shell. I went and did a few Scottish dances with my friends and it was great fun, although I am very unfit! Good friend whose horse I ride, her husband to be gets on great with my hubby and they eventually even got my hubby to DANCE! It was really good fun I could go with all my friends and dance and not worry about having to look after hubby we had an absolute ball I was so so happy :-) Was very disappointed when the evening came to an end.
Feeling very loved up with hubby and it feels amazing to actually feel properly happy. A full night of no IF, apart from at the start of the night one friend I havent seen for a while asked when next IVF is and that was it! I was free from IF woohooooo!!!!!!!
Thinking back to one of my previous blogs about lack of friends, well last night just proved I have so many genuine friends who do care and want me to be happy :-)
We are all off out again on Friday night for my friends 21st, her birthday is on Thursday same as mine, although I am 30 and she is insisting we share her party and I have to do a speech bless her - its her party lol!
Downside, I drank wayyyyy to much and have spent all day in my pj's can can't wait to get to bed after X-Factor lol!!
Top night I am so thankful for my friends :-) xxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Sunday, 7 October 2012
In Memory Of Louise Imrie
Today signifies the anniversary of the last time I saw Louise compete, at Gleneagles cross country. She was doing pairs and her friend pulled out on that morning she was very lucky that another friend very kindly agreed to come and I am very thankful for that. And it was also to be the last time I saw Lou ride too.
On Friday 18th November 2011 Louise was at school and had to go to the nurse as she was complaining of a headache. She blacked out in the nurses room there and then and never came around. She died on Sunday 20th November. She donated 5 organs and saved 5 lives. I am so proud of her and my amazing friend, her mum, Gillian.
As fate would have it, on Thursday night I stopped in for petrol on way home from the stables and they were parked in front of me, I am so glad to have spoken to her the day before that fateful day. And on hindsight she wasn't her usual self, I wonder if she had a headache then.
Laterally we have one of those friendships where you didnt see each other much but always picked up where you left off. I was there as Lou grew up with the ponies and I led her on the lead rein at shows on her wee Shetland pony Rocky and watched her grow up and onto bigger, different and more challenging horses. Monty, Wotsit, Cleo. I remember I took her to showjumping on Monty and I had a go round too lol (this is a wee Welsh Sectioon A lol!!). And one time she was jumping him (he had a very dirty stop on him for a while) he was being very bad so I got on for her and he ditched me lol, she never let me live it down. She turned out to be a fantastic jumper and very capable rider on a very difficult horse. Such a shame to lose such young talent and an amazing girl she was so cheeky yet loveable and caring young lady who would give everything for her horses.
So although its not the anniversary of her death, I am thinking of her a lot today as the last time I saw her in action.
Just realised I didnt say what happened to her, she had a massive bleed on the brain, age only 14 :-( . According to the doctors she had it all of her life and it just randomly burst as it would have done one day. I remember Gillian telling me she is glad she didnt know she had it or she would have wrapped her up in cotton wool, not let her ride and fulfill her dreams like she did every day of her life
RIP Lou never forgotten xxxxxxxx
PS my Blog profile pic is actually she memorial pic I chose to put on facebook for Lou and I think its so relevant to her xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am making this post in this colour as it was her fave. Rather than my fave purple xx
On Friday 18th November 2011 Louise was at school and had to go to the nurse as she was complaining of a headache. She blacked out in the nurses room there and then and never came around. She died on Sunday 20th November. She donated 5 organs and saved 5 lives. I am so proud of her and my amazing friend, her mum, Gillian.
As fate would have it, on Thursday night I stopped in for petrol on way home from the stables and they were parked in front of me, I am so glad to have spoken to her the day before that fateful day. And on hindsight she wasn't her usual self, I wonder if she had a headache then.
Laterally we have one of those friendships where you didnt see each other much but always picked up where you left off. I was there as Lou grew up with the ponies and I led her on the lead rein at shows on her wee Shetland pony Rocky and watched her grow up and onto bigger, different and more challenging horses. Monty, Wotsit, Cleo. I remember I took her to showjumping on Monty and I had a go round too lol (this is a wee Welsh Sectioon A lol!!). And one time she was jumping him (he had a very dirty stop on him for a while) he was being very bad so I got on for her and he ditched me lol, she never let me live it down. She turned out to be a fantastic jumper and very capable rider on a very difficult horse. Such a shame to lose such young talent and an amazing girl she was so cheeky yet loveable and caring young lady who would give everything for her horses.
So although its not the anniversary of her death, I am thinking of her a lot today as the last time I saw her in action.
Just realised I didnt say what happened to her, she had a massive bleed on the brain, age only 14 :-( . According to the doctors she had it all of her life and it just randomly burst as it would have done one day. I remember Gillian telling me she is glad she didnt know she had it or she would have wrapped her up in cotton wool, not let her ride and fulfill her dreams like she did every day of her life
RIP Lou never forgotten xxxxxxxx
PS my Blog profile pic is actually she memorial pic I chose to put on facebook for Lou and I think its so relevant to her xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am making this post in this colour as it was her fave. Rather than my fave purple xx
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
Well it's October
and I turn 30 on the 18th! Eeeek!
I am feeling very down today and I thought perhaps blogging may help.
No updates on IVF number 2 sadly, the days are literally just dragging in and I can't seem to think of anything else. I am really hoping it is January but I highly doubt it. Yet another awful Christmas & New Year to look forward to.
I started back on my Pregnacare conception tablets yesterday and Im starting to go riding a couple of times a week again starting on Friday which may help with my state of mind, and also getting me back to some level of fitness and loss of weight!! Here's hoping.
I love the IF family I have met on online forums and on twitter, but lately I've been wondering if it's good for me. Most of my friends are mid treatment and have lots going on & it makes me feel a little....jealous...I suppose is the word. I just feel totally robbed that from my 16 eggs I had none for transfer. It's so unfair and I don't know what we did to deserve this. Life never seems to go our way. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone, I know how hard this journey is. I am supposed to feel accepted in these places and among people that know what I'm going through but at the moment I feel lost and it's horrible I wish people could understand how had it is not to have even got to ET and been PUPO. I try my best to be there for everyone, do I do something wrong? Its the same in real life too no matter how hard I try with friends I never seem to get anything back. It hurts.
One IF friend who has been totally amazing and feels like the best friend is the world is my Jess. Jess had 2 embryos put back and is now 20 weeks pregnant with triplets, after having TTTS surgery 2 weeks ago. I am so proud of her she is such a strong yet loving and caring person, its just a shame she lives so far away :-( I have already chosen 2 pressies for the babies I can't wait for them to arrive safe & sound and I soooo want to make a point of visiting them.
I have no-one in real life to talk to and I can't stop thinking of how I must fail as a friend to end up having none.
Sorry for the self indulgent put down blog. Hopefully next one will be better.
MrsM xxxxxx
I am feeling very down today and I thought perhaps blogging may help.
No updates on IVF number 2 sadly, the days are literally just dragging in and I can't seem to think of anything else. I am really hoping it is January but I highly doubt it. Yet another awful Christmas & New Year to look forward to.
I started back on my Pregnacare conception tablets yesterday and Im starting to go riding a couple of times a week again starting on Friday which may help with my state of mind, and also getting me back to some level of fitness and loss of weight!! Here's hoping.
I love the IF family I have met on online forums and on twitter, but lately I've been wondering if it's good for me. Most of my friends are mid treatment and have lots going on & it makes me feel a little....jealous...I suppose is the word. I just feel totally robbed that from my 16 eggs I had none for transfer. It's so unfair and I don't know what we did to deserve this. Life never seems to go our way. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone, I know how hard this journey is. I am supposed to feel accepted in these places and among people that know what I'm going through but at the moment I feel lost and it's horrible I wish people could understand how had it is not to have even got to ET and been PUPO. I try my best to be there for everyone, do I do something wrong? Its the same in real life too no matter how hard I try with friends I never seem to get anything back. It hurts.
One IF friend who has been totally amazing and feels like the best friend is the world is my Jess. Jess had 2 embryos put back and is now 20 weeks pregnant with triplets, after having TTTS surgery 2 weeks ago. I am so proud of her she is such a strong yet loving and caring person, its just a shame she lives so far away :-( I have already chosen 2 pressies for the babies I can't wait for them to arrive safe & sound and I soooo want to make a point of visiting them.
I have no-one in real life to talk to and I can't stop thinking of how I must fail as a friend to end up having none.
Sorry for the self indulgent put down blog. Hopefully next one will be better.
MrsM xxxxxx
Friday, 21 September 2012
Thought I better blog....
Well I haven't blogged in a while, since my update about DH's heart attack.
He is doing great has lost about 2 stone in weight and is looking great, he is a much happier/better person now too which is great for me! He had an Echo scan which they said looked good but we are waiting for the report from the specialist consultant.
His sperm sample appointment is 1st November and clinic appointment is 13th December. I will be very annoyed if they are fully booked for January and February as when I called her and asked if we could be put in the diary she said no not until clinic appointment. I am hopeful his sperm is back to normal and it was his heart problem that caused the dramatic drop. Fingers crossed. The only thing that can possibly help next treatment is better fertilisation so more eggs can get to PGD testing.
I haven't been doing so good. Can't seem to get back to eating well and exercising, the urge to eat junk food especially at weekends is sooo bad! Also been feeling very down as my old best friend from school days and we used to work together recently had a baby and is now planning her wedding. all good. She rarely posts on FB but has taken to posting very soppy girly posts about her "new" best friend and how they had a girlie day out wedding dress shopping and drinking champagne etc today and she picked "the" dress. I admit, I am jealous of this other friend. I want it to be me. she obviously does not feel anything for me anymore. I am tempted to just remove her from FB and forget about her as she seems to have done me.
So I spent my day off today at the stables with my new friend, we rode out on our friends 2 horses as she is away. The friend has loads to do so I rode her horse (I rode him while she was pregnant and we love each other) i took a brave pill and took him into the stubble field we had a blast had a proper gallop and even popped a few wee jumps in the jump field too. He was a star. I had a huge cheesy grin on my face. I can honestly say that is the happiest I have felt in a very long time! Although I now won't be able to walk for a few days!
Since my treatment wont be till next year I will be riding him through the winter for her again to keep him fit as she events him, they were in Horse & Hound magazine this week!!
Anyway its after 11.30pm and I need my bed so goodnight Bloggers xxxx
He is doing great has lost about 2 stone in weight and is looking great, he is a much happier/better person now too which is great for me! He had an Echo scan which they said looked good but we are waiting for the report from the specialist consultant.
His sperm sample appointment is 1st November and clinic appointment is 13th December. I will be very annoyed if they are fully booked for January and February as when I called her and asked if we could be put in the diary she said no not until clinic appointment. I am hopeful his sperm is back to normal and it was his heart problem that caused the dramatic drop. Fingers crossed. The only thing that can possibly help next treatment is better fertilisation so more eggs can get to PGD testing.
I haven't been doing so good. Can't seem to get back to eating well and exercising, the urge to eat junk food especially at weekends is sooo bad! Also been feeling very down as my old best friend from school days and we used to work together recently had a baby and is now planning her wedding. all good. She rarely posts on FB but has taken to posting very soppy girly posts about her "new" best friend and how they had a girlie day out wedding dress shopping and drinking champagne etc today and she picked "the" dress. I admit, I am jealous of this other friend. I want it to be me. she obviously does not feel anything for me anymore. I am tempted to just remove her from FB and forget about her as she seems to have done me.
So I spent my day off today at the stables with my new friend, we rode out on our friends 2 horses as she is away. The friend has loads to do so I rode her horse (I rode him while she was pregnant and we love each other) i took a brave pill and took him into the stubble field we had a blast had a proper gallop and even popped a few wee jumps in the jump field too. He was a star. I had a huge cheesy grin on my face. I can honestly say that is the happiest I have felt in a very long time! Although I now won't be able to walk for a few days!
Since my treatment wont be till next year I will be riding him through the winter for her again to keep him fit as she events him, they were in Horse & Hound magazine this week!!
Anyway its after 11.30pm and I need my bed so goodnight Bloggers xxxx
Monday, 27 August 2012
Wed 8th/Thur9th August - Scary Times
Well on Tuesday DH had me up all night as he was suffering from acid. He has a hiatus hernia so if often bothered with acid. so on Wednesday night he still wasn't feeling well and was snoring so I couldnt get to sleep, at midnight I gave up and went to spare room. Was finally falling asleep and Dh woke me up, said I would have to take him to hospital. It was 1am. I was not amused. Threw some jogging trousers and a work top on, with trainers and Berghaus jacket (yes I looked a complete state). Sorted out the dogs and off we went to A&E. Took us just over 20 minutes to get there then had a nightmare finding A&E then finding parking, gave up and parked at drop off so I took him in, checked in then I went to move car. Got back to be told he had been taken in and they would come and get me. This was at 1.45am. 2.45am came and still no-one came. I was getting really annoyed thinking great NO sleep before work I am going to be knackered and crabby! Finally around 3am a nurse came and called me through. Was very weird she was asking if I was ok etc and I was just like yeah I'm fine just tired, how is he she said hes doing ok but the doctor will come and have a word with you if you wait here you can you your husband soon. So I waited in a corridor and then a nurse took me to him. he was covered in sweat, hooked up to machines and monitors, he was out of his face on drugs and smiling at me! Finally doctor came and told me they thought he was suffering from a heart attack so they were waiting for an ambulance to take him to Edinburgh Royal specialist cardiac ward!
I burst into tears! & started to shake. DH was smiling its ok Im fine (yeah that was the high doses of morphine talking) the doctors and nurses were useless didnt tell me anything or help me. I had to ask if I go or drive there etc they said if I have car I better drive or be stranded in Edinburgh. So of course next question is how the hell do I find this place. I was promised directions be printed off. The ambulance guys arrived they were fab and explained everything to me, dead nice guys really helpful, normal and understanding. He said I should leave as they would get there way before me. Still no directions from nurse so I went to the desk to ask they were all standing around in a circle obviously discussing my husband. I heard a doctor say they needed a cardiac specialist to travel in ambulance. I eventually had to say excuse me and ask for directions and finally they got me some so I headed off. It was 3.30am. I called my boss and left a voicemail, text my mum and best friend from work. Then I braved the drive to the hospital. I am useless at driving places I dont know and I hate driving the Edinburgh bypass.
All the way there I was shaking like a leaf, all over the road luckily there were no other cars on the road. Kept waiting for the ambulance to pass me but it never did. Got lost almost at the hospital (later discovered I was 100 yards from hospital entrance when I about turned!) phone sat nav took me through a wee housing estate then found it. Saw A&E straight away, got parked no probs, a few ambulances there great. Went to desk nope not there yet. In the meantime I managed to get a spot under my nose to bleed badly so was sitting like an idiot with blood soaked toilet roll under my nose. sat there till 5am then asked again if she could find out where he was, crazy thoughts were running through my head. Lo and behold they had admitted him straight to the ward so made my way up there. The nurses were amazing and knowledgeable. I was soooo tired. They set about stabilising DH and his pain.
We decided I would call his dad at 6.30am as he is normally up by then anyway and ask him to go and see to the dogs. The ward was CCU (coronoray care unit) and had a lovely relatives room. I had text his dad saying call me when you get this text. I went to call him and told him what happened, he LAUGHED! and said Ive been telling him about his weight. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. The first person I spoke to, I needed support!!!! I was seriously unimpressed and got him to agree to go let dogs out. DH was not surprised when I told him and thats why he didnt want to tell him in the first place. At 7am the nurse said I should go home for a rest and bring DH back some things. I needed sleep, but so did DH too I think. Called FIL to tell him no need to come over but he was at gym so BIL partner (they stay with him) said she would tell him. Managed to get home in one piece, let dogs out for a pee, puppy had held it in I was so proud of him as he has been a nightmare to toilet train. Then I went to bed. had literally curled up in the covers and FIL came in. I stayed in bed didnt even bother getting up. I heard him play with the dogs in the garden though & couldnt sleep!
DH text me around 11am and I woke up so got up - an hour sleep. Hurriedly got things organised in the house, packed a bag for DH, stopped at Tesco and back to hospital. Took over an hour to get there and traffic was a nightmare. Oh also had to pay for parking at hospital, 5 hours was about £7!!
By the time I got to the hospital, around 2pm, Dh had had angiogram and a stent fitted. He was doing ok. Still a bit tachycardic. How did it get to Thursday afternoon so quickly. Text mum to see if she would make me dinner thankfully she said yes and I got there for dinner around 8pm then home to bed.
They told him he may get moved to local hospital so on Friday I waited for that news.Finally heard no beds in local hospital so staying in Edinburgh. I got there around 1pm. Then they told me he was moving to a ward in there that has set visiting times so I may have to go home and back again!! Erm I dont think so I was so annoyed. Luckily the nurse was nice in the ward and said I could stay. DH was in a room of 4 and they were hilarious older men. Proper comics they were I was in stitches at them. At 4pm I left to miss the traffic, mum made dinner again. DH friend from work and his partner went to visit him in the evening which was lovely of them I was sooo pleased!!!
On Saturday morning the doctor said he was v pleased with his progress and he could go home that afternoon so DH said he would let me know when to come for him. So all morning I did housework as his brother was supposed to come see him when he got home. I picked him up about 2pm. He was so glad to be out of there and walk around and get some fresh air.
As we neared home we passed the pub along the road and his 2 brothers and dad were there so he made me stop and we went over to see them before going home, then walked over to BILs house to see SIL (she is a stroke nurse) we had a good natter then finally went home and DH had some rest.
The first thing DH said to me in A&E was, what about our IVF. Bless him.
I had to cancel his appointment for sperm sample for the following week and was told we had to wait 4 months before going any further. :-( Very disappointed. Over the moon that DH is ok but we both wanted this IVF journey over and done with either way by the end of the year so that if we arent going to have a baby then 2013 is our moving on year. I will call the hospital when DH gets back to work to see if we can pre plan dates rather than wait 4months then have to wait as per diary!
DH is doing really good and has lost a lot of weight and is really watching what he eats. I am very proud of him. Its also changed him he is a lot more understanding and loving bless him xxxxx
I burst into tears! & started to shake. DH was smiling its ok Im fine (yeah that was the high doses of morphine talking) the doctors and nurses were useless didnt tell me anything or help me. I had to ask if I go or drive there etc they said if I have car I better drive or be stranded in Edinburgh. So of course next question is how the hell do I find this place. I was promised directions be printed off. The ambulance guys arrived they were fab and explained everything to me, dead nice guys really helpful, normal and understanding. He said I should leave as they would get there way before me. Still no directions from nurse so I went to the desk to ask they were all standing around in a circle obviously discussing my husband. I heard a doctor say they needed a cardiac specialist to travel in ambulance. I eventually had to say excuse me and ask for directions and finally they got me some so I headed off. It was 3.30am. I called my boss and left a voicemail, text my mum and best friend from work. Then I braved the drive to the hospital. I am useless at driving places I dont know and I hate driving the Edinburgh bypass.
All the way there I was shaking like a leaf, all over the road luckily there were no other cars on the road. Kept waiting for the ambulance to pass me but it never did. Got lost almost at the hospital (later discovered I was 100 yards from hospital entrance when I about turned!) phone sat nav took me through a wee housing estate then found it. Saw A&E straight away, got parked no probs, a few ambulances there great. Went to desk nope not there yet. In the meantime I managed to get a spot under my nose to bleed badly so was sitting like an idiot with blood soaked toilet roll under my nose. sat there till 5am then asked again if she could find out where he was, crazy thoughts were running through my head. Lo and behold they had admitted him straight to the ward so made my way up there. The nurses were amazing and knowledgeable. I was soooo tired. They set about stabilising DH and his pain.
We decided I would call his dad at 6.30am as he is normally up by then anyway and ask him to go and see to the dogs. The ward was CCU (coronoray care unit) and had a lovely relatives room. I had text his dad saying call me when you get this text. I went to call him and told him what happened, he LAUGHED! and said Ive been telling him about his weight. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. The first person I spoke to, I needed support!!!! I was seriously unimpressed and got him to agree to go let dogs out. DH was not surprised when I told him and thats why he didnt want to tell him in the first place. At 7am the nurse said I should go home for a rest and bring DH back some things. I needed sleep, but so did DH too I think. Called FIL to tell him no need to come over but he was at gym so BIL partner (they stay with him) said she would tell him. Managed to get home in one piece, let dogs out for a pee, puppy had held it in I was so proud of him as he has been a nightmare to toilet train. Then I went to bed. had literally curled up in the covers and FIL came in. I stayed in bed didnt even bother getting up. I heard him play with the dogs in the garden though & couldnt sleep!
DH text me around 11am and I woke up so got up - an hour sleep. Hurriedly got things organised in the house, packed a bag for DH, stopped at Tesco and back to hospital. Took over an hour to get there and traffic was a nightmare. Oh also had to pay for parking at hospital, 5 hours was about £7!!
By the time I got to the hospital, around 2pm, Dh had had angiogram and a stent fitted. He was doing ok. Still a bit tachycardic. How did it get to Thursday afternoon so quickly. Text mum to see if she would make me dinner thankfully she said yes and I got there for dinner around 8pm then home to bed.
They told him he may get moved to local hospital so on Friday I waited for that news.Finally heard no beds in local hospital so staying in Edinburgh. I got there around 1pm. Then they told me he was moving to a ward in there that has set visiting times so I may have to go home and back again!! Erm I dont think so I was so annoyed. Luckily the nurse was nice in the ward and said I could stay. DH was in a room of 4 and they were hilarious older men. Proper comics they were I was in stitches at them. At 4pm I left to miss the traffic, mum made dinner again. DH friend from work and his partner went to visit him in the evening which was lovely of them I was sooo pleased!!!
On Saturday morning the doctor said he was v pleased with his progress and he could go home that afternoon so DH said he would let me know when to come for him. So all morning I did housework as his brother was supposed to come see him when he got home. I picked him up about 2pm. He was so glad to be out of there and walk around and get some fresh air.
As we neared home we passed the pub along the road and his 2 brothers and dad were there so he made me stop and we went over to see them before going home, then walked over to BILs house to see SIL (she is a stroke nurse) we had a good natter then finally went home and DH had some rest.
The first thing DH said to me in A&E was, what about our IVF. Bless him.
I had to cancel his appointment for sperm sample for the following week and was told we had to wait 4 months before going any further. :-( Very disappointed. Over the moon that DH is ok but we both wanted this IVF journey over and done with either way by the end of the year so that if we arent going to have a baby then 2013 is our moving on year. I will call the hospital when DH gets back to work to see if we can pre plan dates rather than wait 4months then have to wait as per diary!
DH is doing really good and has lost a lot of weight and is really watching what he eats. I am very proud of him. Its also changed him he is a lot more understanding and loving bless him xxxxx
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Review Appointment
Well on Wednesday 1st August 9.30am we had our review appointment at Glasgow Royal. And as usual for my trips to Glasgow the weather was awful. Arrived dutifully at 9.15am. Sitting in waiting room and nurse comes to tell me we aren't in the book so she would go and speak to someone. I started to panic thinking we had wasted our time and taken time off work to go there :-(
I was also looking forward to this morning as I was hoping to meet a fellow PGD friend who I met online who had her appointment after me at 10am. She arrived at 9.45am, I still hadn't heard anything from the nurse, so she urged me to go and ask. I did and the nurse said it was fine I was on the clinic list? Weird, anyway! Had a lovely chat with my friend and her DH and I think it actually helped my DH relax too as he really hates hospitals, he is a mess! And it is the least tense and nervous I have been in that wee room with various couples sitting mainly in silence, it was so good just to chat it out! eventually they took me in at around 10.15am. There was a doctor, our PGD co-ordinator and a geneticist. Basically they were happy with our cycle was just bad luck that all 4 embryos tested to have my translocation. They will not change anything about my protocol so that sounds positive.
Next up for discussion was DH sperm. Finally managed to get numbers from them which had proved a nightmare before. Basically last year his count was 124 million and on day of EC it was less than 0.1 million. He is booked to go in on 16th August to do a sample and it will be stored, just incase when treatment comes around the sperm may be worse again. Doctor was concerned it may be a medical problem and asked DH if he had found any lumps or anything out of the ordinary, thankfully he hasn't. Then came the inevitable question, did he take steroids! My DH is quite a big guy and he does work out, do weights, and MMA type sports but he does not take anything illegal, it always offends me when they ask that. I am not saying he is an angel, and yes 15 years ago he did take them.
The only thing we can think is because he had been ill around EC, he was run down, had cold sores, was hardly sleeping, that this affected the sperm. So now I have him religiously on Wellman Conception, Bee Pollen, Royal Jelly, L'arginine, zine, vit C, & Q 10 lol!
I also asked what painkiller i was given after EC as it made me really ill, they told me the medical term for it and now I can't remember what it is, I will have to ask again so I can be sure to be careful of being given it again. PGD co-ordinator did say I shouldn't have been given 2 of them though she was surprised I wasn't hallucinating!
My last point was to find out more about my translocation as all I know if its 7 & 9! Doctor was surprised as he said they have a lot more info than that on file which I was a bit annoyed about, but the genetics lady was lovely and said she will be happy to research my translocation and write to me with her findings so I look forward to receiving that, hope it's not too long.
To finish up I asked how long it will be until we can get started again. Doctor said as soon as DH has given sample we can get moving but PGD co-ordinator interrupted and said no way as they are full for August and September and it will be end of October, or November.
The main thing is to get DH sperm back up though but I just feel Oct/Nov is so far away and then into winter travelling into Glasgow, god help me if we get all the snow we had the year before last!! And I wonder what they do if any dates fall around Christmas?!
Went to briefly see my lovely friend and her DH in waiting room before we left, poor them having to wait as they messed up my appointment :-(
So I have had a good few days blow out eating all sorts of rubbish, drinking coffee, coca cola!
Mum took me out to lunch today as DH and my 2 sisters are away to Blackpool (not together) which was nice :-)
Didn't realise how down I had been feeling until today, had music blaring and had a good old clean in the house and feeling so much better!
Work is absolutely terrible, can't look for anything else until the end of our IVF journey, but with any luck we will know by the end of 2012 if we will have a baby or not.
Thanks for reading
xxx
I was also looking forward to this morning as I was hoping to meet a fellow PGD friend who I met online who had her appointment after me at 10am. She arrived at 9.45am, I still hadn't heard anything from the nurse, so she urged me to go and ask. I did and the nurse said it was fine I was on the clinic list? Weird, anyway! Had a lovely chat with my friend and her DH and I think it actually helped my DH relax too as he really hates hospitals, he is a mess! And it is the least tense and nervous I have been in that wee room with various couples sitting mainly in silence, it was so good just to chat it out! eventually they took me in at around 10.15am. There was a doctor, our PGD co-ordinator and a geneticist. Basically they were happy with our cycle was just bad luck that all 4 embryos tested to have my translocation. They will not change anything about my protocol so that sounds positive.
Next up for discussion was DH sperm. Finally managed to get numbers from them which had proved a nightmare before. Basically last year his count was 124 million and on day of EC it was less than 0.1 million. He is booked to go in on 16th August to do a sample and it will be stored, just incase when treatment comes around the sperm may be worse again. Doctor was concerned it may be a medical problem and asked DH if he had found any lumps or anything out of the ordinary, thankfully he hasn't. Then came the inevitable question, did he take steroids! My DH is quite a big guy and he does work out, do weights, and MMA type sports but he does not take anything illegal, it always offends me when they ask that. I am not saying he is an angel, and yes 15 years ago he did take them.
The only thing we can think is because he had been ill around EC, he was run down, had cold sores, was hardly sleeping, that this affected the sperm. So now I have him religiously on Wellman Conception, Bee Pollen, Royal Jelly, L'arginine, zine, vit C, & Q 10 lol!
I also asked what painkiller i was given after EC as it made me really ill, they told me the medical term for it and now I can't remember what it is, I will have to ask again so I can be sure to be careful of being given it again. PGD co-ordinator did say I shouldn't have been given 2 of them though she was surprised I wasn't hallucinating!
My last point was to find out more about my translocation as all I know if its 7 & 9! Doctor was surprised as he said they have a lot more info than that on file which I was a bit annoyed about, but the genetics lady was lovely and said she will be happy to research my translocation and write to me with her findings so I look forward to receiving that, hope it's not too long.
To finish up I asked how long it will be until we can get started again. Doctor said as soon as DH has given sample we can get moving but PGD co-ordinator interrupted and said no way as they are full for August and September and it will be end of October, or November.
The main thing is to get DH sperm back up though but I just feel Oct/Nov is so far away and then into winter travelling into Glasgow, god help me if we get all the snow we had the year before last!! And I wonder what they do if any dates fall around Christmas?!
Went to briefly see my lovely friend and her DH in waiting room before we left, poor them having to wait as they messed up my appointment :-(
So I have had a good few days blow out eating all sorts of rubbish, drinking coffee, coca cola!
Mum took me out to lunch today as DH and my 2 sisters are away to Blackpool (not together) which was nice :-)
Didn't realise how down I had been feeling until today, had music blaring and had a good old clean in the house and feeling so much better!
Work is absolutely terrible, can't look for anything else until the end of our IVF journey, but with any luck we will know by the end of 2012 if we will have a baby or not.
Thanks for reading
xxx
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Trying to get back to normal
Well since my last update, I was also off work to following day as I had a terrible cold, boss was surprisingly understanding. So I worked the Wed, Thur and Fri I really didn't want to be there and the days dragged in. Of an evening I read my Jilly Cooper Riders book it is just fab!
And on the Thursday evening we got a new puppy!!! He is the exact same breed as our baby boy we lost to cancer in February (I blogged about it) dad is a bullmastiff and mum is a dogue de bordeaux. His name is Chumlee named after the guy on Pawn Stars programme on Sky lol. He is complete mischief and completely different to Wendall in every way. I think Tara is pleased to have company again though.
The weather here has been so depressing, constant downpours, always wet!
On Wednesday this week I went riding again! On my beautiful Sunny, in the pouring rain we got totally drenched but it was wonderful and it really cheered me up so much. I am going to ride him again tomorrow!
I have been eating really badly so need to get that sorted out and try to lose some weight before next treatment.
I just can't wait for it to get started again. Just feel at a loose end right now.
Also in other news, last night for the first time in 4 months hubby and I had sex!! I felt like a born again virgin but I felt sooo desperate I have to jump him when I went to bed at 1am after staying up to finish my next book Jilly Cooper Rivals! I think he was pleasantly surprised lol! We seem to be getting along really well since that fateful day of 22nd June, fingers crossed it continues so I think our bad patch must have been down to IVF pressures.
I have my friends son's 21st party next Saturday and colleagues wedding the following Wednesday I treated myself to 2 new dresses in Debenhams sale absolute bargains, and I'm getting my hair and nails done on Saturday woohoo and plan to get very drunk. hubby is going away to Newcastle on 21st to a gig and to Blackpool on 4th August to another gig so that will give him something to focus on.
3 weeks on Wednesday until review appointment!
xxx
And on the Thursday evening we got a new puppy!!! He is the exact same breed as our baby boy we lost to cancer in February (I blogged about it) dad is a bullmastiff and mum is a dogue de bordeaux. His name is Chumlee named after the guy on Pawn Stars programme on Sky lol. He is complete mischief and completely different to Wendall in every way. I think Tara is pleased to have company again though.
The weather here has been so depressing, constant downpours, always wet!
On Wednesday this week I went riding again! On my beautiful Sunny, in the pouring rain we got totally drenched but it was wonderful and it really cheered me up so much. I am going to ride him again tomorrow!
I have been eating really badly so need to get that sorted out and try to lose some weight before next treatment.
I just can't wait for it to get started again. Just feel at a loose end right now.
Also in other news, last night for the first time in 4 months hubby and I had sex!! I felt like a born again virgin but I felt sooo desperate I have to jump him when I went to bed at 1am after staying up to finish my next book Jilly Cooper Rivals! I think he was pleasantly surprised lol! We seem to be getting along really well since that fateful day of 22nd June, fingers crossed it continues so I think our bad patch must have been down to IVF pressures.
I have my friends son's 21st party next Saturday and colleagues wedding the following Wednesday I treated myself to 2 new dresses in Debenhams sale absolute bargains, and I'm getting my hair and nails done on Saturday woohoo and plan to get very drunk. hubby is going away to Newcastle on 21st to a gig and to Blackpool on 4th August to another gig so that will give him something to focus on.
3 weeks on Wednesday until review appointment!
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