and I turn 30 on the 18th! Eeeek!
I am feeling very down today and I thought perhaps blogging may help.
No updates on IVF number 2 sadly, the days are literally just dragging in and I can't seem to think of anything else. I am really hoping it is January but I highly doubt it. Yet another awful Christmas & New Year to look forward to.
I started back on my Pregnacare conception tablets yesterday and Im starting to go riding a couple of times a week again starting on Friday which may help with my state of mind, and also getting me back to some level of fitness and loss of weight!! Here's hoping.
I love the IF family I have met on online forums and on twitter, but lately I've been wondering if it's good for me. Most of my friends are mid treatment and have lots going on & it makes me feel a little....jealous...I suppose is the word. I just feel totally robbed that from my 16 eggs I had none for transfer. It's so unfair and I don't know what we did to deserve this. Life never seems to go our way. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone, I know how hard this journey is. I am supposed to feel accepted in these places and among people that know what I'm going through but at the moment I feel lost and it's horrible I wish people could understand how had it is not to have even got to ET and been PUPO. I try my best to be there for everyone, do I do something wrong? Its the same in real life too no matter how hard I try with friends I never seem to get anything back. It hurts.
One IF friend who has been totally amazing and feels like the best friend is the world is my Jess. Jess had 2 embryos put back and is now 20 weeks pregnant with triplets, after having TTTS surgery 2 weeks ago. I am so proud of her she is such a strong yet loving and caring person, its just a shame she lives so far away :-( I have already chosen 2 pressies for the babies I can't wait for them to arrive safe & sound and I soooo want to make a point of visiting them.
I have no-one in real life to talk to and I can't stop thinking of how I must fail as a friend to end up having none.
Sorry for the self indulgent put down blog. Hopefully next one will be better.