Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Well it's October

and I turn 30 on the 18th! Eeeek!

I am feeling very down today and I thought perhaps blogging may help.

No updates on IVF number 2 sadly, the days are literally just dragging in and I can't seem to think of anything else.  I am really hoping it is January but I highly doubt it. Yet another awful Christmas & New Year to look forward to.

I started back on my Pregnacare conception tablets yesterday and Im starting to go riding a couple of times a week again starting on Friday which may help with my state of mind, and also getting me back to some level of fitness and loss of weight!! Here's hoping.

I love the IF family I have met on online forums and on twitter, but lately I've been wondering if it's good for me. Most of my friends are mid treatment and have lots going on & it makes me feel a little....jealous...I suppose is the word.  I just feel totally robbed that from my 16 eggs I had none for transfer.  It's so unfair and I don't know what we did to deserve this. Life never seems to go our way.  Don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone, I know how hard this journey is.  I am supposed to feel accepted in these places and among people that know what I'm going through but at the moment I feel lost and it's horrible I wish people could understand how had it is not to have even got to ET and been PUPO. I try my best to be there for everyone, do I do something wrong? Its the same in real life too no matter how hard I try with friends I never seem to get anything back. It hurts.

One IF friend who has been totally amazing and feels like the best friend is the world is my Jess. Jess had 2 embryos put back and is now 20 weeks pregnant with triplets, after having TTTS surgery 2 weeks ago. I am so proud of her she is such a strong yet loving and caring person, its just a shame she lives so far away :-(  I have already chosen 2 pressies for the babies I can't wait for them to arrive safe & sound and I soooo want to make a point of visiting them. 

I have no-one in real life to talk to and I can't stop thinking of how I must fail as a friend to end up having none.

Sorry for the self indulgent put down blog.  Hopefully next one will be better.

MrsM xxxxxx


  1. Sending you hugs hugs, I just hope I can be as good a friend to you and as supportive as you always are to me xxxxxxxxxxx

  2. Oh honey so sorry you are feeling so low & finding it hard watching other people going though treatment, try and flip that around though and tell yourself that only in a few months ppl will be feeling the same watching you go through your cycle. It's normal to have these thoughts & feelings but don't let them beat you down honey! If you think it's best for your own well being maybe take a wee step back from twitter - it's maybe getting a bit much for you!

    Just know though that we are all here for you and this will get better. Focus on getting your body & minds ready for IVF 2 because it really will be here before you know it xxx

  3. Thank you ladies, I may take a wee twitter break, but I like to be there for the ladies too if you know what I mean. xxx

  4. To my beloved and very special friend - your IF Family adore you too, and if I were to define what friendship means I would have to look no further than what we have shared over the last few months. You have been there for me all the way through this rollercoaster ride, and you make my world, and that of so many others a much better place. Life is about give and take, and it sounds as though the scales are a little uneven right now. I think it is time you took care of yourself and stop worrying about being there for others who do not appreciate all that you have to give and the way you support them through their journeys - sod 'em, they don't deserve you!! You are a truly wonderful person, an incredible friend, I love you to bits, and we are counting the days til that visit.
    Huge hugs and lots of love from Me plus Three xxx xxx xxx