Wow what a 30th that was!

Since 8pm on Tuesday 15th October I was in bed really ill with a flu bug.

Last night (Thursday 17th October) I was lying in bed & couldn't quite remember what cycle day I was so got up to check, it was the end of CD37.  Normally I am 32 and no more than 36.  I put it down to being ill and prepared myself for AF arriving the next day on my 30th birthday.

This morning I turned 30.  I had to go to work as I had an important client coming in specifically to see me so dragged myself to work.  Packed bag with tampons & painkillers.

Work colleagues gave me a lovely bunch of flowers and a Debenhams giftcard. Client called to say he had to go away on a job so couldn't make it in argh!  I felt rubbish all day.  Luckily it was a pretty easy day.

Near home time I felt very sick and faint.  We had agreed hubby would make me steak & potatoes for dinner and cheesecake for pudding yum. I really didn't feel like eating.

Got home and went to toilet, POAS bam straight away 2 strong lines on a Superdrug test. In shock. 

Went downstairs and told hubby he was shellshocked too.  Just goes to show his heart attack definitely was the effect on his sperm! 

Poor hubby was making dinner I just kept saying bad words, I was so stunned I didn't know what to do.  Mum was coming over at 6.30pm, at least she knew I had been ill so I didnt have to pretend to feel great! I hardly ate any dinner, have no appetite at all.

So now the worry starts. I think I will be almost 5 weeks, I will do a CB digi in the morning.

Hubby has sperm sample on 1st November so he will still be going for that and we will keep our clinic appointment for 19th December.  I am not expecting this pregnancy to go all the way but there is a flicker of hope that this is our time.

I've no idea where to go from here.  I need to speak to the genetics counsellor discuss CVS and possible early scan too.

We both agreed we wouldn't try naturally ever again as the odds are extremely high it will end in miscarriage, or baby will be born with severe defects/disabilities and more than likely die extremely young if it is affected by my translocation.  We thought hubbys sperm was so bad there was no way he could get me pregnant (he hadn't in a year!).

Oh well.  Pleaseeee let this be it for us I am begging all the powers that be.

I did the EDD calculator and ironically it is 22nd June 2013, the anniversary of our first ICSI PGD cycle being abandoned on day of ET!

I can't help but feel terrible for the many many many IF friends I've made and I hate posting about my BFP in this manner.  I really don't want them to think I'm ungrateful, I really am not I promise.  It's just so hard.  I know it must be horrible for some of my friends who can't conceive naturally for this to happen to me and I truly hope you can understand.

In my last pregnancy I suffered terribly from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe morning sickness) and was hospitalised a few times.  The way I feel right now this may go the same way!

But, seriously I am literally just waiting for the bleeding to start.  How bad does that sound?!

Anyway I just wanted to try to explain a bit for those who don't know, hope it's been helpful.

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