Trying Times

So today I am 6+3 or 7+1.

I wakened up for work on Wednesday 24th October and when I went to pee I had brown discharge. I went back to bed, not even surprised.  I text my best friend from work and asked her to tell boss as I couldn't face texting him as I had no idea what to say.  Couldn't get in touch with hubby as he is not allowed phone at work as he works in petrochemical plant.  I had no idea what number to call as when this all happened before it was at the old hospital and I had all the relevant contact numbers.  After a few attempts I got the right number but constantly going to voicemail so I left a message as requested.  This was at 8.30am.  By 10.30am no call back so called again and got straight through.  When I explained my history the midwife was lovely and booked me in for scan at 1.45pm. 

I was there for ages they were soooo slow.  No heartbeat seen but measuring 2.6 (5-6 weeks) and fetal pole seen so booked in for follow up/viability scan for Wednesday 31st October.

I stayed off work on the Thursday too. I was also very sick.

I forced myself to go to work on the Friday as I had the following week off so had to finish stuff off.  I really struggled I was so ill.

By Friday evening I could not keep down any food or fluids.  The Hyperemesis Gravidarum was back.  HG is severe morning sickness and I cannot stress how horrible it is, you can never imagine how it feels until you experience it.  You actually think you are going to die.  

In hindsight I should have gone to hospital on Saturday but when I had HG 2 years ago you had to be really really bad before they saw you so I put it off until my urine got darker.  Saturday night was horrific I was literally over the toilet every 10 minutes even when nothing was coming up I was still actually being sick.

As soon as I could on Sunday morning I called the hospital and went in.  Got there at 9.30am.  Waited for almost 2 hours to be seen it was horrible I felt like I just wanted to curl up and die.  In waiting room in maternity with heavily pregnant women.  Finally I was taken into a delivery room eventually put onto drip for fluids, Hartmanns, and had stemetil injection in my bum, they are soo stingy.  The venflon they put in me was absolute agony I should've known there was something wrong with it.  I sent hubby home to see to the dogs etc as he hates hospitals they make him really stressed.  Soon after my arm was all swollen more than twice its size I had to ask a nurse as she passed (they did not give me the alarm), she got someone to check it and agreed they had missed the vein and the fluids were going into the tissue.  She had to put another line in at the crux of my right arm. My urine came back with 4 + of ketones which is pretty badly dehydrated and one + of protein.  I was lain on the bed in my clothes, it wasn't even a proper bed it was a delivery room bed, i was freezing I had to ask for a blanket.  I was basically just left, no-one came to check on me at all.  At around 4pm a nurse came told me I was being moved to a ward little did I know hubby had been waiting outside for 15 minutes to see me! He eventually got in when I was in ward and he was not amused.  I then asked if I was being kept in and they said I had to check with the person who had been looking after mw (erm no-one!!)  They linked up my drip again and it was blocked.  She tried to unblock it and got blood all over the bed :-(  She said she would get someone to change the bed.

Around 5pm the doctor came round and he told me I would be staying in.  He asked if I had eaten I said no but I felt hungry so he told them to get me food thankfully as they never offered me any dinner.  I had a wee drop of soup.  I still felt sick so got a cyclizine injection in my bum too.  I got changed into my nightie and got into the bed (which still hadn't been changed).  I slept terribly due to the line in my arm.  

8.30am we were wakened with lights on and breakfast. I had some orange juice and tried some toast.  Left my urine sample as you do. I still had 4 + of ketones!!!

Absolutely no phone signal at all which is a nightmare as you can't keep in touch with family.

Lunch time 12pm I had some soup which was yummy and an egg sandwich I ate it all.  Doctor came around she was really nice and interested in hearing about my history she said I could get home with meds and come in as soon s sickness starts again.

Hubby appeared just as doctor was leaving which was a surprise as he was supposed to be at work.

At 3.30pm I left the hospital.

My mum brought over some soup for me then I went to my own big cosy bed!!!

On Sunday when I was lying on that delivery bed I broke down to hubby and said if we don't get to keep this baby do you still want to keep trying, IVf etc? He welled up and said he would do whatever I wanted.  I was just totally broken by that point.  When he brought it up yesterday he started crying again, the reason he didn't go to work is he was up all night worrying about me and our baby plans and the 4+ years already spent on this journey and all we have been through emotionally and physically.

When I was discharged yesterday I was told the lovely lady doctor wants to see me at her surgery on Monday about my translocation and they have requested my medical noted for then.

In the meantime I have my scan tomorrow, no idea what that will bring, I just hope that my baby is still in there and I have not endured this horror for nothing :-(

Today hasn't been too bad, only been sick once but have no energy and very shaky.

I will try to update tomorrow xxx